What with my work, my blog, my writing, my housecleaning, my candle-making experiments, and my baking, most people would assume an active person. A go-getter. A get-‘er-done, shape-up-or-ship-out sort of woman.
But I’m not.
I put on an act. If visitors are coming, I’ll do a flash cleanup (what I like to call “operation cover-up”) and hide all incriminating evidence of my laziness.
But when no one is looking, I curl up like a cat in a ray of sunshine and sleep.
If given the luxury, I’d sleep until noon, eat some food, take an afternoon nap on the couch, maybe eat again, and then go to bed early – just for the heck of it. If I could, I’d stay in my pajamas all day, not bother combing my hair, and if I feel the need for some mental stimulation, I’d read or play some video games.
At that rate, I’d be a stress-free, albeit overweight, person with no accomplishments in life (other than a massive collection of PlayStation trophies), no money, and no friends. I would probably eventually disgust my ever-loving husband with my lack of motivation to do anything at all.
Unfortunately, I don’t have that luxury, pretty much never.
I have to get up at 7, get ready for work, come home and clean the house, write a blog entry, and do whatever other odd jobs that need doing before I go to bed and start the pattern all over again. But, due to my almost crippling laziness, things rarely go smoothly.
Most of the time, I come home from work feeling a bit groggy and wondering if the world is real because I’ve been staring at a computer screen for 8 hours. I’m so hungry and headache-y that I immediately scarf down any food I can find and crash before I realize what I’m doing. Then, all I want to do is sleep – for hours and hours and hours.
If I wake up, I look at the clock, convince myself I still have time to get something done, and go back to sleep for while longer. Pretty soon, my entire evening will be gone, and the only thing I’d have done on my checklist is eat the last of the Frosted Mini Spooners cereal.
If it weren’t for my husband, I’d probably end up eating only cereal.
Well, that and maybe the occasional cookie if my chocolate cravings get the best of me.
On the evenings when my husband has to work a closing shift, I’m left to myself for hours at a time, which of course means I have to make the choice to sleep or to get stuff done. Usually I want to choose sleep, but on the days I know I have to do things, then I need to find a way to motivate myself to do them.
Pep talks don’t work. Shouting to myself that “I can do it!” and “It’s no so bad!” isn’t all that convincing. And, I probably look weird talking to myself.
But, I’ve noticed bribery works beautifully – particularly if it’s game.
So, to get anything done, I bribe myself by playing Minecraft (or any other game I have going on at the time). If I need to clean the kitchen, I set a timer and play Minecraft for 30 minutes, clean the kitchen, and then play more Minecraft. Essentially, Minecraft becomes a great motivator when I sandwich it around things I don’t want to do – like hiding a piece of broccoli in a pasta and saying I’m eating vegetables.
Of course, cleaning the house and doing other chores take infinitely longer with this method; I spend as much time playing games as I do working. I’m sure if I straight out did what I had to do, then everything would go a lot faster.
But then again, using that approach, I probably wouldn’t get anything done at all. I’d stare at my list, groan about what I had to do, and then nap instead.
Because, after all, I’m still really lazy.
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